"Man Quiz"

If you're a man who's been together with your partner for more than two years, you know that the days of trying to impress to “get some” are long gone.  Relationships change as time goes on, and domestic roles evolve with each stage of family life.  But every relationship requires active effort to keep alive, let alone healthy.  When a relationship matures past the bedroom, how do we measure up in the other rooms of the house?  The role we play in every room demonstrates the respect we hold for our mates.  

Fellas, here’s a short quiz for you to take stock of your standing:

1)  If the laundry basket is full, I:

a)  throw more laundry on top of it
b)  bring it to the washing machine and separate lights from darks
c)  what’s a laundry basket?

2)  If the dishwasher needs to be emptied, I:
a)  leave my dirty dishes on the counter
b)  empty it
c)  why would my wife need to be emptied?

3)  If the bed needs to be made, I:
a)  sleep in it anyway
b)  straighted up the sheets and comforter
c)  throw dirty clothes on it because the laundry basket is still full

4)  If the toilet bowl or seat is dirty, I:
a)  go in the yard
b)  grab the cleaning supplies and give it a quick wipe
c)  make it dirtier

5)  If I am hungry and it’s dinner time, I:
a)  order out from my favorite takeout place
b)  cook something edible

c)stand at the refrigerator door and look back and forth between it and my wife, hoping she will take the hint.

If you answered A or C more than twice, question 6 is a follow up:
6)  How’s living with your mother these days?
a)  awesome, I love doing nothing around the house
b)  pretty good, but she looks shorter than I remember her as a kid
c)  not good, she still yells at me for playing video games all day

At 94 years old, it’s unfathomable to my Grandma that a man would (or could) cook dinner.  It was acceptable for a man to construct a room, but certainly not maintain it afterwards--this was the infamous "women's work," and surely no willing man would serve his family by preparing a meal or giving his kids a bath.  The expectations upon a modern man include not only professional competency, as was expected in Grandma's day, but domestic competency.  


Simply put, a man today should not be dependent upon his partner to feed, clothe, and dress him along with the children.

In the midst of full and part-time work schedules, regularly examining our domestic roles can avoid fostering the unspoken resentment seen in many families between partners.  Life is simply too busy to place the onerous of maintaining a house on the shoulders of one partner. Men, we didn't marry our mothers, we didn’t marry a cleaning service, and we didn’t marry a drive through window.  At one point, we found a woman who was worth the effort, and it’s really not that hard to show her we still care.

Shrinking and Growing

Around my neighborhood, there are a few families who are comfortable hanging out and talking openly about God, and even though our views may not be identical, I look forward to the times when we can chill together and be honest about our thoughts and experiences. I’m continually seeking to grow in my faith, but find that the opportunities often come in the form of gathering with friends who don’t attend a traditional church...and I’m growing a little jealous of them with each passing day.

Each Sunday, we gather, talk about things that only we understand, then go away and gather again the following week. We collect an offering, watch as personalities occasionally collide, and put on our best faces as we rush out the door to the next great thing. In the face of programs and meetings about more programs, am I really living as Christ intended?

Every Thursday, my family attends a small group study with several other friends. We share a meal together, we catch up on each other’s lives, pray for one another, and study Bible passages to determine how they apply to our lives. We were the offshoot of a much larger group, and set out on our own to make room for newcomers and convene in a more manageable size, but our little group is shrinking.

As my interest in Sunday’s corporate gathering shrinks, my convictions regarding Thursday’s small groups are strengthened. It is in this more intimate setting where relationships mature and understanding is reached. As my friend’s Aunt Hester says, “too many cooks and you end up getting lost in the pot.”

If you’ve read this far, there’s a chance you’ve thought about your role in the world, and asked why you’re here in this time and place. “Why are we here?” ranks among the oldest and most disputed of debates, and it’s a question I love exploring, especially when it’s with someone who moves beyond academics into tangibly demonstrating their love for people hurting or in need.

I sat down at a table this past Sunday with a couple I’d never met, and after a few moments of introduction, was incredibly encouraged by the way strangers with a common faith can immediately develop a bond. Decades apart in age but seated only a few feet away, we both recognized that the question “why are we here?” has a continually evolving tangible answer, as we first take stock of where we are, then find opportunities to serve those who are “here” with us.